*nostalgic about patrick swayze for some reason*
- i feel like my intj grounds me. like i switch modes when i go to him from being with my extro friends. but i’m still myself with both, and i can gain relaxation and joy from both being with them and only with him. being alone leaves me anxious however, and i really need to stay in contact with people to feel calm when i’m alone, not necessarily always talk and communicate but know that i have the choice to communicate with someone who will want to communicate back and hold a conversation.
- sometimes i like to distract myself as well with the internet etc but i’m almost always multitasking everything i do. my intj finds that weird and annoying and will feel like i’m not focusing just because i get lost in thoughts and stare out into space for a minute or two while we’re watching something together, or doing laundry together or whatever, same thing with playing app games while i’m on tumblr/youtube and he sees it. it makes him uneasy because he gets the wrong idea that i’m not interested in what i’m doing but i’m actually just under-stimulated but probably equally interested in both tasks.
- his way of relaxing - he’s always had a very hard time with relaxing at all - is getting lost in computer games where he can focus entirely on one thing and one thing only, and that thing HAS to be of 100% pure enjoyment and nothing that can annoy him. I know several times where he’s for some reason not been able to optimize EVERYTHING in his strategic gaming and he’s been unable to relax anything at all because that’s his only means of relaxation and it didn’t go superswellgreatperfect so he’ll be strung up and in a bad mood for the rest of the day/days thereafter. usually this only happens when he’s stressed more than usual or has a deadline or a low motivation for something he should do, so he’ll beat himself up for not doing as much as he feels like he should AND for not optimizing what he’s doing, which in turn will put him in an even pissier mood.
- he sometimes gets mean and short-tempered when he’s feeling that way and there my enfp need for constant validation/attention sometimes takes a hit and i’ll get rude-ish and short with him and pick fights because i try to come at him with my own fears and insecurities and irrationality (read: emotional extortion) which NEVER amounts to anything ever. heh. this is where we end up when we’re having our worst times, usually - nowadays - we’re pretty good at balancing. or, well, i’ve learned to control myself basically.
- when he’s happy - i am bouncing off the walls with joy. because 1) i get good energy from him and 2) he shows positive emotion and seeing my depressed intj excited about something feels new and fun and intriguing. sometimes when i step back and look at us from the outside when we’re talking and he’s in a great mood it’s like he’s a dorky excited school kid and that makes me cringe a bit but in a… semi-good way because it’s almost like he’s handicapped in how you’re excited ~classily~ (is that a word probably not, ‘in a classy way’ u feel) and that makes me blush for him in some kind of second-hand embarrassment since i’m so aware of how you act out your feelings with other people, and he’s just, ugh, so cute but so laaaameeee. i love him. but i think his not-knowing the social rules of acting out his excitement could be off-putting for some people. however if i know him he’d never do that anyway because he’s always in control of his emotions a little too much around everyone else so i guess i should feel special that he’s being dorky with me during those glimps of happy intj emotion-showing, whee!
- i enjoy him being in control and someone to look up to. i definitely need that in a romantic partner and i proably couldn’t think of a better person to look up to in anything than my intj and his special virtues. i love learning stuff from him and i feel like i have definitely improved as an intellectual individual since i met him. or, well, since i started figuring him out. he really had to struggle with me to begin with but i’m so happy he stuck with me throughout my, what i sincerely hope was and is passed, worst phases.
- we overlap in style, communication patterns, the intuitive thing, art and culture inclinations, music (when i’m not forcing him to listen to my ‘guilty pleasures’ playlists heh), travelling preferences - and i advocate that we could easily spend a holiday together in some foreign country because i’m very easy and comfortable to travel with, and i know he’d get stressed what with leaving his fortress (home) but i’m certain that we could easily calm each other down when stressed because we’d both stress but about different things that the other one could stay grounded with. i am actually longing for the day we take a holiday together to like spain or whatever, i’ll show him how easy i am to do that stuff with and i’m sure he will be pleasantly surprised.